Murder taught me that independence is a myth.
Halfway through college, a freshman went missing. His family, who was from the same region as mine, made several media pleas for help finding him. Law enforcement got involved, and students and community members mobilized to comb forests, post flyers, and share prayers.
Weeks passed as students and community members from multiple cities searched for the young man. In the beginning, there was hope he would be found alive. In the end, his body was found buried in a forest. His friend murdered him.
This young man had just begun his “independent” life. But when things went wrong, it was not independence that resolved the story—it was the interdependence of hundreds of people. His family put everything on hold to find answers. Strangers donated their time to the search. A legal team pursued justice. Friends and classmates had to grapple with the violent loss.
His story taught me that independence is an illusion.
As someone who values a private life, this tragedy changed how I move in the world. I make a point to tell loved ones where I am and who I am with because I understand how my absence would impact others.
Years later, while I was in medical school, a friend went missing. I learned of her disappearance when a mutual friend explained that she was not responding to calls or texts. The details that unfolded were alarming. I stopped studying for a major exam and reached out to everyone connected to her. It took time and the development of investigative skills to track down her landlord and piece together her last known whereabouts. I still don't know what happened to her.
Months after the search, she reached out, explaining she'd been ill and had gone to her home state to recover. Though I was glad she was safe, it didn’t erase the hours of concern, confusion, and emotional labor spent trying to find her.
These are extreme examples, but they illustrate a simple truth: our lives are intertwined.
When you are missing, others worry. When your health declines, someone else may have to care for you. When you succeed, your community benefits.
We are not isolated—we are parts of a community that is healthiest when each part is functioning well. We didn’t start this life alone. We weren’t designed to go through it alone. We thrive through connection, cooperation, and communication.
You may think your presence, work, or well-being doesn’t matter—but someone is depending on you. You matter, not just for you, but for all the lives connected to yours.
Therefore:
Take care of yourself.
Check in with your people.
Let someone know where you are.
Prioritize your health and your time.
We have a responsibility to prioritize our health, relationships, careers, and time because they always impact others. Be kind to your community by taking care of yourself.
If this message resonated with you, you’ll find even more insights like this in my book, A Year of Intentional Living. It’s filled with reflections and prompts to help you live with purpose—and remember that you never walk this journey alone.
You can purchase it online:
https://www.doubledocj.com/category/all-products
Dr. Joseph curates speaking engagements, individual and group coaching, and inclusive environment consulting—helping individuals (and ultimately organizations) live healthier and more unified lives on purpose.
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Overview of Independence is a Myth:
Real independence is a myth—our lives are connected more than we realize.
Tragedy reveals the importance of community and shared responsibility.
Even small lapses in communication can deeply affect those who care about us.
Our health, presence, and performance ripple out to impact others.
Interdependence is not weakness; it’s how we were designed to live.
We all have a responsibility to care for ourselves—for the sake of those who love and depend on us.
Love this one. Absolutely.